


Your hand in my hand and your name in my heart

by destielsuperwholockbandhoorah



Series: Waiting to hear your name again [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Destiel - Freeform, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Mechanic Dean, Minor Angst, No Smut, Sequel, Teacher Castiel, married already
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-03-06 15:11:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3138884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielsuperwholockbandhoorah/pseuds/destielsuperwholockbandhoorah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Indefinitely incomplete</p><p>Dean and Cas are newlyweds, settling into their lives after college and after getting married. They have a lot of life ahead of them, jobs and dates and smiles and maybe a few little happy surprises along the way.</p><p>This is part of a series, and I recommend you read the first one before this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! So in case you didn't know, this is continuation of my previous fic, cause I love them and I love writing this.
> 
> The entire purpose of this fic is fluffy random happiness and their lives so be prepared.
> 
> I have really no planned ending for this story, I am just warning you, I am going to keep adding fluffy chapters as long as I have ideas, and if for some reason I run out of ideas I will end it but there is no way that will be happening any time soon. 
> 
> I will update irregularly but probably around once a week depending on school, my laziness, and my writer's block.
> 
> Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated, and thank you soooo much for reading!

Dean watched Cas as they sat in the parking lot. Cas was really nervous, Dean could tell, he was fiddling with his fingers and biting his lip and his eyebrows were knitted closely together. And he just sat there, not getting out of the car, even though they had reached their destination.

Dean knew what it was. This was Cas’s first day on the job actually teaching. He had gotten a job as a kindergarten teacher at the elementary school near where they lived, and had been so excited that it would have been annoying if it wasn’t so endearing.

Dean was working part time as a mechanic while looking for something better maybe, and so he had the free time to drive Cas to work. He liked it, the sweet domesticity of how it felt to drive his husband to work.

_His husband._

The words still awed him. It had only been around two months, and still every time he saw the bands on their fingers, or one of them used the word husband, his heart beat faster and leapt into his throat, and he felt so full of happiness that he thought he might burst.

Dean reached over and pulled one of Cas’s hands away from his other one, stopping his fidgeting. “Hey angel,” he said with a squeeze, “you’ll be fine.”

Cas gulped and looked down at Dean’s hand clasped in his.

“I’m just worried Dean. I’m going to be holding the education and safety of all of these small children in my hands and what if I mess it up? What if I say something wrong or influence them badly or-”

He was working himself up over it, and Dean leaned over to press a kiss onto his cheek. “You could never be a bad influence on anybody, Cas. Trust me. You’re going to do amazing because you are amazing and brilliant and the best person I know. You won’t mess up anything.”

Cas looked over at him, a slightly overwhelmed expression on his face. “How can you know that?”

“Cause I know you.” Dean answered simply, with a soft smile. He slipped his hand from Cas’s and climbed out of the car. “Now come on.”

Cas got out too and looked at him with a slightly confused expression across the hood of the impala. “What are you doing Dean?”

“Well, I don’t have anywhere to be, so if figured I could come in and help you out if you want? If that’s something people can do?” Dean was suddenly unsure about his idea he had just had, and bit his lip, waiting for Cas’s reaction.

But Cas’s only reaction was to walk quickly around the car and pull Dean into a hug so tight Dean could barely breathe. But he just smiled and poked Cas’s ear with his nose, returning the hug.

“I love you so much, Dean,” Cas mumbled into his shirt. “That would be wonderful if you could come in.”

Dean grinned. “All right then.”

 

They signed Dean in as a visitor and walked together across campus. They had been to the classroom before, while Cas was preparing for the school year and Dean was keeping him company (which may or may not have involved make out sessions in the janitor’s closet as the newlyweds deserved), but this time it was different. It was early morning and there were a few stray kids around campus, the ones who had gotten there a little earlier than the others. They sat around, some talking to friends, as Dean and Cas walked past them to the building where the kindergarten rooms were.

The room was quiet, Cas flicked the lights on and ventured in a few steps, stopping to stare into the space he had been making his own for the last couple weeks. There were cute posters on the walls, little tables of desks, letters and shapes and numbers adorning the bulletin boards. He had been happy with it a day ago, but now he was worrying again. What if it was too much? Or not enough? Or the wrong thing? It was all too late now. But his worried thoughts were hushed as Dean came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Cas.

He kissed the back of Cas’s neck, making him squirm from the tickle and laugh a little, and he felt the knot in his stomach loosen a little as he smiled. Dean was here, it would all be alright.

Dean sat in the only chair in the room that wasn’t miniature, the one at Cas’s desk, and watched Cas as he put his stuff down, arranging his desk and straightening all the little chairs, pacing around the room until he made Dean anxious too.

“Cas, come here a sec.” Dean sighed.

Cas turned from where he was fussing with the corner of a poster. “What?”

“Just come here.” Dean stood from the chair, and when Cas got there, he took him by the shoulders and sat him down in the chair.

Cas started to stand and Dean pushed him down.

“Everything is done and ready Cas, you need to relax. Kids are going to start coming in soon.” Dean folded his arms and stared stubbornly at his husband, who stared stubbornly right back, though he didn’t attempt to get up.

Then Cas sighed and rubbed his face with his hand. “You’re right Dean. I just can’t help worrying.”

“It’ll be alright, Dean smiled. Then he bent down to kiss Cas, fully intending to rumple his immaculate teacher look (which he had been resisting the very strong urge to do all day, because damn did Cas look good like that) but a moment after their lips touched, the sound of the door opening could be heard, and Cas jumped so much he nearly hit Dean in the head.

They both turned to look and saw a smiling, bouncy haired five year old girl pushing in the door and pulling her mother behind her.

“I’m first, mommy!” the little girl declared, practically bouncing up and down. She turned around to hug her mother’s legs, pulling on them and grinning up at her mom’s soft smile.

“Yes you are, pumpkin,” the mom ruffled the girl’s hair. Then she looked up over to Dean and Cas. “Hello, which one of you is the teacher?”  
Cas got up and pushed past Dean, who was still standing there awkwardly and a little grumpily at having his make out session with his hot teacher husband cancelled.

“I’m Mr. Winchester,” Cas smiled at the parent. And the words shot a spark or warmth through Dean that nearly had him staggering. He leaned on the desk and watched Cas interact, not really catching the words, but smiling all the same. He wasn’t totally sure why Cas had decided to take his name, no hyphenation or anything, but he didn’t mind. It made everything feel more real. Cas was bending down to smile at the little girl, who was talking animatedly and grinning. And Dean was pretty sure he was smiling like the dork in love that he was, but he didn’t care so much.

Over the next few minutes, most of the rest of the students came in, accompanied by their parents. Most left their kids in Cas’s care without incident, but there were several criers.

There was one little girl, who clung tightly to her father’s legs, face buried in the material of his pants. He looked down at her helplessly, rubbing her hair comfortingly. He then looked at Dean with a plea for help in his eyes. Dean glanced at Cas who looked occupied talking to a parent. So he pushed off the desk and walked over to the little girl and her father.

“I’ve got to go to work, sweetie, you have to let me go.” The father bit his lip and pulled weakly at his daughter’s arms, and her grip appeared to tighten.

“No.” a muffled word came through.

“Come on, baby girl, let me go,” the father said soothingly. He glanced once more at Dean, who had reached them and was observing the situation with trepidation. Cas had been the one who had gone to school for this. Dean had an engineering degree and a little fear of kids. He wasn’t quite sure what to do.

“Hey kid,” Dean said a little uncertainly, but trying to sound kind. “You gotta let your dad go.” She shook her head. Dean squatted down a few feet away from her. “Yeah, you do. He’s got stuff to do and so do you. Don’t you want to be here and learn things?” There was a sniffling and a silence that Dean took as consideration.

“Her name is Claire,” the father supplies from above and he nods.

“Hey Claire, nice to meet you. I’m Dean Winchester.”

A little face with red rimmed eyes from crying turns to look at him warily, though Claire still clung to her father’s legs. “Are you tha teacher?”

“No. He is though, over there.” Dean gestures to Cas, who was laughing at something one of the kids was saying. He glanced over at Dean in that moment and they made eye contact, smiling at each other.

“Why do you have the same name?” the little girl asked curiously. “Are you brothers?”

Dean laughed. “No, he’s my husband.”

The girl was turned toward him them, having let go of her father with all but one hand, which was still hanging tight to the pants material. She rubbed her eyes and looked surprised. “You can do that?”

“Yeah.” Dean was a little worried at her reaction, and glanced at the father, who was just smiling a little He guessed there wasn't going to be an issue about that. He was glad.

She considered that for a moment, biting her thumb a little. Then she asked, “Do you love him?”

Dean smiled warmly, glancing at Cas again. “Very much.”

She nodded big. “Good. Then you can be married.”

Dean laughed at that, and winked at her. “Well thank you for your approval, madam, it’s appreciated.” She giggled.

“Hey sweetie, I’m gonna go to work. Is that all right?” Claire’s father ruffled her hair lightly. The small blonde haired girl turned around and bit her lip. She looked a little worried.

“It’s alright,” Dean reassured, smiling. He found himself taking a liking to the little kid, though with a little chagrin.

Claire turned to him with wide eyes and smiled. “Mmkay.” She said, sounding unsure still. But her tears had long since dried and her death grip on her father was gone, and she let her father give her a kiss on the head and say good bye.

Claire watched her dad leave, and Dean saw her bottom lip tremble. He had a moment of internal panic, not ready for tears, and completely unsure of what to do at that point. Thankfully he was saved from tears by the appearance of Cas, who came up from behind Dean and squatted down, putting a hand on the girl’s shoulder.

“Hello there, what’s your name?” Cas smiled, and Dean wasn’t sure about Claire, but her knew that smile had always worked on him.

It seemed she was no exception from Cas’s charms, and she smiled shyly up at him. “Claire.”

“Well Claire, I see you have met Dean.”

She grinned again, and looked at Dean as if she was just remembering he was there. “Yeah. He’s nice and said he loves you very much,” she told Cas proudly.

“Did he?” Cas looked up at Dean, a twinkle of mirth in his eyes. “Good. Now come on,” Cas stood, “let’s go over to the other kids.”

She nodded and bounced off to the circle of kids on the floor, who were talking and playing on the rug. She hovered outside the circle, unsure, until the girl who had been the first one in class saw her and patted the space beside her with a grin. Lily, the girl’s name was, bumped shoulders with Claire with a grin, and the two started to talk, laughing and smiling.

Dean felt Cas beside him, leaning into him with the side of his hip.

“Hello, Mr. Winchester,” Dean grinned over at Cas, who looked back, a pleased blush spreading over his face. “See Cas, nothing bad had happened so far. You’re gonna be fine.”

“Thank you for being here, Dean,” Cas smiled, pecking him on the cheek and walking over to his class.

“Of course,” Dean whispered after him, with a content sigh, watching Cas call the class’s attention and begin the day’s lessons.

 

 

The rest of the class day passed without incident, minus the scraped finger and a minor block tower catastrophe, and for the most part, Dean sat at Cas’s desk and either fiddled with his phone or watched his husband and the kids fondly. To be perfectly honest, he did a lot more of the latter.

Watching Cas with the five years olds was a wonder to Dean. Despite all of his fears, Cas really was a great teacher. Dean had known that already, having required more than a little motivation and teaching from Cas when he slacked off when they were in school, but seeing those skills in this capacity… there was just something different about it that Dean couldn’t place that made him unable to stop smiling and occasionally put a lump in his throat.

Dean also found himself watching Claire a lot of the time. The little girl got a lot more comfortable pretty fast, and her and her new friend Lily were inseparable the rest of the school day. They played together and snacked together and napped together. Dean realized he was using the word adorable in his head far more than he was used too, but he was happy. He vaguely felt like he needed to punch a wall to feel manly again, but the need was not pressing when he was so happy like this.

Cas did have Dean helping out a little, with bathroom breaks and snack time and watching at recess. Dean felt stressed, and he couldn’t imagine how frazzled Cas was feeling. He just hoped he was helping and making it better. He found that he enjoyed helping as well, the feel of the little kid’s palm in his hand went straight to his heart, and he smiled all the way through naptime, fixing blankets and picking up crumbs from the snack they had just had. It was not something he was used to but he liked it.

Finally, the school day came to a close, all the kindergarteners got loaded onto their busses and picked up by their parents, and at long last the door of the classroom closed and the two of them were left in the quiet.

Cas flopped down to sit on Dean where he sat in the desk chair, burying his face in Dean’s neck with a sigh, arms wrapped around his husband.

“I am exhausted,” Cas yawned.

Dean rubbed his back. “You did good today, angel. Proud of you.”

“Thank you Dean.” Dean could feel Cas’s smile against his skin. He sat up a little, and kissed Dean softly. “You weren’t half bad yourself. You were really good with the kids.”

Dean grinned into his hair, holding him a little closer, unable to define the source of the warmth in his heart at that.

“Claire took a liking to you,” Cas continued, smiling. It was true, throughout the day, when Dean was involved in something, she would grab him by the hand and lead the man around, still holding onto Lily with her other hand, and the two of them would be telling Dean things and “helping him.” The look on Dean’s face had been something Cas had never quite seen before, and it made him smile. The little awe and wonderment in Dean’s expression as he stared down at the little girl and felt her tiny hand in his, that was priceless. He held her like he was scared of breaking her, and it was extremely endearing.

“Yeah,” Dean agreed with a tired sigh. “We should really go home.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Cas yawned again, sliding off of Dean’s lap and stretching a little as he stood. “Help me pack up my stuff and then we can get out of here.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I changed Paige's name to Claire because of canon feels me and my friend were having. I hope you like it. :3 (I also edited last chapter a teeny tiny bit but whatever)
> 
> I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I HAD LIKE NO TIME AND MY FRIEND HAD TO FORCE ME TO FINISH BECAUSE I AM SO TIRED
> 
> but anyways, here you go. Thanks for reading! I'll get the next chapter up ASAP but idk when that will be.
> 
> <3

Dean helped out a lot in Cas’s class after that. He wouldn’t tell anyone except Cas, but he really enjoyed the kids, and even started to grow attached to a couple of them. And he really enjoyed the crinkley eyed smile Cas gave him whenever they made contact across the room. There was something about being there with Cas that just felt… right. He couldn’t explain it.

There were no more problems with her dad leaving for Claire anymore in the mornings. She would hug him tight, but would let go when she had to, and then end up running to hug Lily, and the both of them dragging each other around to tell Dean or Cas something, toothy grins on their adorable little faces. Dean found himself actually caring about them, much to his dismay in the beginning. He had never thought he was a kid person, they were messy, complainy little monsters in his opinion. But that changed for him, and often he was just as excited as Cas was to get up in the morning.

Occasionally there were some of the parents of the kids in the classroom too. They were mostly helpful, but Dean did not like the way some of those single moms looked at Cas. There were about two of them that Dean would describe their look at positively predatory. When he grumbled about it to Cas, Cas had laughed and kissed him on the nose and then the lips, telling him he was exaggerating, and that he had no reason to be jealous. Either way, they bothered Dean. Cas was his, thank you very much. And so after a couple of days of subtle glares from him and not so subtle ogling from them, Dean made sure to send a clear message.

Plus pulling Cas out of the classroom and sending him back in red faced and slightly disheveled with a bewildered but happy expression on his face was satisfying on so many levels. And he was able to meet their odd looks with a victorious little grin. So much for that, Dean thought to himself happily.

In that way, they spent much of the day together. Most weekdays, Dean had to go after they got home though, off to his job. He worked several hours as a mechanic at a local auto shop, and loved that, but was looking into finding something a little better paying that he would also enjoy.

When Dean would get home, he would be tired and dirty. Cas greeted him with a little kiss, already in sweats and a t-shirt, often with a mug of coffee or tea in his hands. And no matter how tired Dean was, when he came in the doors of their apartment to see Cas, he smiled, and felt his energy returning to him bit by bit.

He would hop in the shower, sometimes joined by Cas, and then they would have dinner. It was always a little late for eating, but they preferred it that way, as it meant they got to eat together. Even if they ate at eight or even nine or later. And they would sit at the kitchen table, smiling softly and talking about their days, sometimes kicking each other lightly under the table, sometimes with their shoulders pressed together and their heads resting on the other one’s head.

Sometimes Annabelle would wind her way beneath their feet, or climb on Cas’s lap (Dean didn’t let her on his) or would just sit to the side, curled up and staring at them, purring all the while. She was a sweet cat, and they were glad she was so calm. Dean just got a little annoyed when the fuzzball climbed up on their bed on some mornings and meowed and pawed at their faces until someone got up and paid attention to her. But Cas always gladly got up to pet her or fill up her food bowl, leaving a grumpy Dean to roll into the warm indent on the bad that still smelled like Cas. Often, he was up with a sigh a few minutes later on the mornings that Cas got up first. There just wasn’t much point to being in bed by himself.

Dean wished he could keep coming into class all the time, but they were running a bit tight on money, and he really needed a full time job. The garage he had been working out kept begging him to come on full time, and they were offering a pretty good salary, for a mechanic. So, after some talks with Cas, Dean decided to take their offer. He Still had Fridays off, though he worked part time on Saturday, so he planned on still coming into the classroom with Cas and the kids. He would miss them, he realized, on the first morning when he was getting dressed for work instead of for the classroom.

 _Never thought I would be missing going to school,_ Dean thought wryly to himself as he pulled on his grease stained jeans. But he did already, even though the day hadn’t started yet. His life had seemed to settle into the pattern after the past two or so months of going into Cas’s work. He imagined his day without bright splatters of finger paint and little happy children’s smiles, and it seemed incomplete. There was a little hollow pit in him now, and it was bothering him because he couldn’t figure out how to fill it.

The feeling persisted all week, and Dean tried to bury it in his work, cover it with layers of oil and engine grease, to work it out of him with sore muscles and sweat and gritted teeth. But it wouldn’t go away. He sort of mentioned it to Cas at one point.

“How’s your new full time job going, Dean?” Cas asked, Wednesday morning as they were eating breakfast. He put his feet on Dean’s lap to rest from where he sat across the table.

Dean shrugged, stirring his coffee absentmindedly and taking a bite of his toast. “It’s good, I think.”

Cas nodded, and there was silence for a few minutes.

“Charlie called,” Cas offered.

“Yeah?” Dean didn’t look up.

“Yes. She said we should get together sometime soon. She has someone she wants to introduce to us. A girlfriend.”

Dean smiled halfheartedly. “Awesome.”

“I was thinking maybe this weekend?”

Dean shrugged. “Sure.”

“What’s wrong Dean?” Cas poked him in the stomach with his toe, making Dean jump and squirm a little, but also making him smile. He put a hand on Cas’s foot and played with his husband’s toes.

“I just miss being with you all day,” Dean answered, “I mean, I love working with the cars and stuff, but at the same time I really like being with you and the kids.” There is a weird stirring in his stomach at the way he had worded that, and he pulled himself away from the feeling. He looked down at Cas’s feet instead of continuing.

“You do?” Dean could hear the smile in Cas’s voice.

“Yeah,” Dean said quietly, then glanced at the clock as he rubbed his stomach, trying to dispel the feelings that had gathered there. “It’s time for you to go, don’t wanna be late.”

Cas pulled his feet off of Dean’s lap. “You’re right.” He stopped to give Dean a deep kiss on the way out of the kitchen.

“You can see us all on Friday,” Cas called out behind him as he went into the bathroom to finish getting ready, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts for a moment before he got up to join him.

 

“They’ve all been asking about you,” Cas told him after they both were home that day. “Especially Lily and Claire. They miss you.”

 _I miss them too,_ Dean thought with a small, sad little smile. “Did you tell them I’m coming back?”

“Yeah, I did, though still it was all I could do to prevent the riot of five year olds I was about to have on my hands on Monday when I walked in without you.”

Dean laughed and pulled Cas a little closer, where they sat on their beat up little couch. “Well, just a few more days.”

Cas hummed in agreement.

 

Friday did not come fast enough for Dean. It was almost embarrassing, how excited he felt about going back. He would have never thought he would actually want to go to school, let alone actually _want_ to be around children. It was all still pretty confusing. But either way, he was the first one to respond to the persistent mewling of Annabelle Friday morning, leaving a bed-headed and slightly confused Castiel to watch him leave the bed. He came in as Dean was cooking breakfast, whistling to himself as the eggs sizzled.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?” Dean turned around with a grin.

“What’s up?” Cas yawned and ran a hand through his hair, which served only to mess it up further.

“I guess I’m just in a good mood today,” Dean shrugged, turning back to the food.

Cas came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Dean’s middle and resting his chin on Dean’s shoulder. “Well I like it.”

“Yeah?” Dean grinned, turning his head to kiss Cas on the cheek before returning his attention to the pan on the stove in front of him.

“Mhmm.” Cas answered, shifting to push his face into Dean’s back, and refusing to let go until Dean insisted, since the breakfast was ready.

When it came time to leave, Dean was the first one out the door. He was the one waiting in the car, bouncing his knee up and down as Cas got in. And he was the one with a big grin on his face as he drove them to Cas’s school.

“You are really excited to come back aren’t you?” Cas laughed fondly.

Dean thought for a minute, his smile vanishing as he did so, then returning as he answered. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Cas nodded with a knowing smile, and they passed the rest of the drive in companionable silence.

 

“Good to see you again, Dean,” the receptionist at the front desk smiled. She was a kindly, elderly woman, who Dean had grown to like quite a bit in his time when he had come every day. They got along well, and she didn’t give them the colder looks that some of the teachers did.

“Same to you,” Dean grinned as he signed in.

 

When they walked in the room, no one was there yet, but already, Dean felt a little of the feeling that he was missing something go away.

And the last little bit of it fell out of him when the door opened and the first kid, Claire it was, smiled big, shouted his name, and ran across the room to give him a hug.

“Hey, little girl,” Dean said happily, hugging her back. “How have you been?”

“Good!” she exclaimed, pulling away and jumping up and down a little, then proceeded to tell him every detail of what he missed when he was gone, other kindergarteners joining her in greeting Dean as they came in. Cas stood to the side, grinning at them all the while. Claire only interrupted herself as the door opened and let in about the tenth student for the day, one little Lily.

She cut off in midsentence. “Lily!” she almost shouted, making a mad dash to the other girl and throwing her arms around her. Lily staggered a little before hugging back with a bright grin. “Dean is back!” Claire proclaimed proudly, and the two little girls then ran over to join the others, talking to Dean. He was a little overwhelmed by the onslaught of small children welcoming him, not minding the sticky hands that hugged him, and loving the gappy smiles he got from the kindergarteners.

“Alright class,” Cas finally called out, and the chattering died down until all the students as well as Dean were watching Cas expectantly. “Time to get started for the day and let Dean be, alright?”

Dean joined in with the disappointed sounds that came in response, but he got up from where he was kneeling, and the cluster of kids dispersed. He got one last hug from Lily and from Claire, and then watched as the group flocked around Cas where he stood by the chair. He always started their days with a story.

Dean leaned on one of the desks and smiled to himself as he watched Cas and the children. He became momentarily absorbed by his husband’s face and his expressions. He loved the way Cas softened around the kids. There was a gentle curve to his smile and a sparkle in his eye. There was a tenderness in him, a carefulness in his movements, an air about him that was beautiful. Dean had seen all this before, when Cas was with him. But in this scenario, coupled with the happy little kids surrounding him, the little incline of his chin down to them, the way he bent down on his knees to talk to them on their level, the little smile he would give as he ruffled a kid’s hair, it all made him perfect in a whole new way.

Dean had been feeling like that since the first day of class, but he could never quite understand it. He wished he could be in here every day like before. He wished he could interact with Lily and Claire and all the others and Cas on a daily basis. His mind wandered as he sat there, smiling at all of them with a little dopey grin on his face. He imagined seeing them every day. He imagined being with them every day. But of course that wasn’t possible. They were just Cas’s kindergarten class and the only people who saw them every day were their parents, so Dean and Cas-

_Oh crap_

Dean repressed the gasp that wanted to escape as he realized it. Why had it taken him so long to see what he was feeling? It seemed so obvious. But it was terrifying at the same time and Dean didn’t know what to do with it. He sat there, dumbstruck, until he heard his name.

“Dean? Could you come here and help for a moment?” Cas called to him.

“Yeah, coming,” Dean said, still slightly in a daze. He pushed himself gently off of the desk, and walked over to Cas where he stood at the back of the room by the chair still. He had sent all the kids to their desks, so the two of them were mostly alone.

“Are you alright?” Cas hand brushed lightly against Dean’s arm and came to hold onto Dean’s hand.

Dean swallowed, forcing his face back to normal, covering the confusion and shock that was there. “I’m fine. I was just spacing out.”

Cas looked like he almost believed him. “Well alright. You just looked distressed.”

Dean shrugged and only answered with a grin. Cas smiled and left him to go to the front of the class. Dean watched him go, careful to not let his feelings slip back into his expression. Because how the hell was he supposed to tell Cas, _Oh hey, not to put anything on you or whatever, but I just had this epiphany that I really think I’d like to be a parent and I am really scared by it, but I also want it, more than I’d ever realized. What do you think about that?_

They’d never talked about it. Not at all. Dean knew Cas liked kids, but adopting one of their own? He wasn’t sure what Cas would think of that. He wasn’t sure he could be that for some little girl or boy or whatever either. It all made him feel a bit weak, and he sat down heavily in the chair. It smelled like Cas a little, mixed with the smells of a classroom, and that made Dean smile.

He’d just keep it all to himself for then. Possibly forever.


	3. Chapter 3

“We’re getting married,” Lily declared to Dean, the instant Dean came in to class the next Friday.

“What?” Dean asked, a bit taken aback by the abruptness of the statement.

“Me and Claire.”

Claire nodded from where she stood next to Lily, holding tightly to her hand.

“What made you decide that?” Dean kneeled down next to them. He didn’t want to discredit their idea, but it was a very decisive decision for a pair of kindergarteners, and he was curious.

“Well,” Lily thought for a moment, “That’s how people who love each other are together forever, right? Like my mom and dad and you and Mr. Cas.” (The kids occasionally had difficulties with their name.)

“And like how my mommy and daddy were,” Claire chimed in.

Lily nodded. “And I love Claire and Claire loves me and we wanna get married.”

“Well you’re gonna have to wait.” Dean laughed softly.

“Why?” Lily stamped her foot indignantly.

“Cause only grown-ups can get married,” Dean told them, “sorry.”

“That’s stupid,” Claire grumbled.

Dean shrugged. “Maybe. But it also good because then you have time to make sure.”

“I am sure!” Lily exclaimed.

“I know you are.” Dean assured her.

“But you can must never give up, because it happens that what you wish for very well may come true.” A familiar voice came from behind Dean, who turned with a grin to see Cas standing right behind them.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes.” Cas crouched down next to them, leaning with his shoulder into Dean and sending warmth into him. “If you truly love each other, it will work out. It did for me.”

Claire and Lily looked at him searchingly for a few moments, and each took a turn to glance at Dean.

“Is Dean your true love, like in a fairy tale?” Lily asked.

“Yes, I believe so,” Cas grinned, and Dean felt himself blushing. It still amazed him sometimes, the confidence and assurance that Cas always had in them. No matter what, Cas just knew. He was like something otherworldly, never doubting, never wavering. Not that Dean did those things either. He just sometimes was very worried about how things would work out. What other people would think, what would happen, etc. but he never lost faith in Cas, because Cas never lost faith in him, and somehow managed to not care about what anyone else in the world would think.

Claire and Lily grinned. “Us too,” Claire said softly, holding onto Lily’s hand a little tighter.

“Good luck,” Cas told them, and they nodded and wandered off, Lily talking animatedly about something and Claire laughing.

Dean was hit with another whole wave of _I want to raise children with this man_ , and made him smile and then sigh, as the two of them stood and dusted at the knees of their pants.

“Remind you of anyone?” Cas asked quietly, a fond smile on his face as he watched the class, and the two little girls.

Dean grinned. “You referring to our early days?”

“Yes.” Cas leaned into Dean again, arms folded comfortably across his chest. “They remind me of us a lot actually.”

“Think they’ll turn out like us?”

“Hopefully their story will have a few less kinks than ours,” Cas said, with a sad smile.

Dean made a noise of agreement, and then laughed after a few moments of silence. “You know, I was just thinking, technically, we were always engaged.”

“I don’t think the promises of five year olds count, Dean.” Cas laughed.

“Well why not?” Dean waited until Cas looked up at him, until he could see Cas’s eyes. “We kept them didn’t we?” he answered softly, and felt his heart swell as Cas smiled and leaned up to kiss him much too briefly on the lips.

However brief though, there were always little eyes watching, and one of the little boys shouted out to them, “no PDA!”

“Of course, you are very right William. I’m sorry.” Cas held back a laugh. “Now all, let’s start with our letters today!” Cas switched instantly to teacher mode, leaving Dean with a squeeze on his arm and a soft-eyed smile.

Dean watched him go off to teach his class, a view he had been seeing a lot of recently, and smiled a little goofily as one of the kids stopped Cas to hug him around the legs. Then he sighed. He was so screwed.

 

 

The next weekend, they were set to meet up with Charlie and her girlfriend, Dorothy, at some restaurant. They just had the address, not the name, so when Dean and Cas pulled into the parking lot, they both started to laugh.

Charlie was waiting outside with a big grin on her face, holding onto the hand of a taller brunette girl.

“S up, bitches?” Charlie called as they approached, still laughing a little.

“Really Charlie, a White Castle burger joint? You’re hilarious.” Dean grinned as he was enveloped in a hug.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know there was a place with this name,” Cas mused, stepping back from his own hug with Charlie.

“Seriously?” Dean asked incredulously, “and I thought we knew each other.”

“What?” Cas looked offended.

Dean rolled his eyes playfully. “Seriously dude, it’s burgers at a place with friggin’ castle _in the name._ Seems like something you should have noticed.”

Cas huffed, a little annoyed, but the rest of the three of them laughed.

“Cas’s lack of cultural knowledge aside,” Charlie piped up, “let’s get down to the real business here. Guys, I’d like you to meet Dorothy.” She tugged on the girl’s hand, who had been standing back with a fond grin at Charlie, and hadn’t said anything yet.

“Nice to meet you,” she said with an easy smile, shaking Cas’s hand and then Dean’s.

“Yeah, you too,” Dean grinned.

“Let’s go inside, I’m hungry!” Charlie pulled the rest of the group with her, and they entered the door of the place on a wave of her energy. She was practically bouncing. Dorothy hung back with Cas and Dean, who were walking hand in hand, watching Charlie with a smile.

“At first I couldn’t believe it, but she really is this energetic all the time, isn’t she?” Dorothy laughed, glancing over at Cas and Dean.

“Yeah,” Cas laughed.

“I can hear you talking about me,” Charlie turned to fake glare at them, from where she walked a few steps in front of them.

Dean rolled his eyes again, and Dorothy stepped forward to take Charlie’s hand.

She was good for Charlie, Dean thought as he watched the two of them together. Charlie had stopped bouncing and was talking to Dorothy with a happy smile on her face. She seemed to be balanced out by the taller girl. She calmed Charlie, they seemed good together. Dean was glad that their friend had found someone like that.

They stood in line to order, talking and laughing. They had mostly kept up with each other over text and email and the like, but it really was good to see Charlie in real life for a change.

When they got their food, Dean eyed Cas’s burger, which was very large. “You sure you can finish that?”

“Oh please, Dean,” Cas rolled his eyes. “I have out eaten you on many occasions. Don’t underestimate my love of burgers.”

“Is that a challenge?” Dean’s eyes sparkled a little with laughter.

Cas shook his head, the same look in his eyes. “Maybe for later.”

Dean rested his elbow on the table to point at Cas. “It’s a date.” The table laughed.

“I want in on this,” Charlie added in, “I could eat more than both you weaklings combined.”

That sparked a heated debate on the subject, which lasted for most of the remainder of the meal and ended in a plan to meet at a later date and settle the issue.

“That was good,” Cas sighed, smiling with his eyes closed. “Not as good as your mom’s, Dean,” he opened his eyes to address Dean, “but anything beats all the ramen we’ve been eating.”

“Amen to that,” Dean nodded.

They talked for a little while longer, but Dean found himself falling quiet, as he thought about stuff. A few tables over, where he could see them, there was a family, a mom and a dad and a little kid. And Dean couldn’t help but imagine it as him and Cas and some little one, out to eat. Settling the kid into the chair, ordering off that little menu, helping them color in the paper they gave kids. It was all small and stupid, but he found himself wanting that, more badly than even before. It shouldn’t feel like such a big deal, but for some reason, he could never make himself talk about it with Cas. He’d been kinda off the past week, and Cas had noticed, but he hadn’t pushed when he asked, and so they hadn’t talked about Dean’s new self-discovery item.

“Dean?” Dean heard Cas saying his name and shook off his thoughts to turn to his husband.

“Hmm?”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, fine, just thinking about… stuff. Life, you know.” Dean tried to pull off a smile and thought he had done a pretty good job, but Cas just huffed and turned to glance at where Dean had been looking.

They didn’t talk about it afterwards, and Charlie and Dorothy had to leave right around then, so they all paid for the food and left, saying their goodbyes and giving hugs all around outside.

On their way home, Cas thought about how Dean had been acting lately. He kept wondering what was causing it. Dean had still been very happy to go to school with him that Friday, but there had also been a little bit of sadness about him. It hadn’t been about school, or the kids, as far as Cas could tell. Dean had been the happiest and most comfortable Cas had seen him all week when he was interacting with the kids. Cas felt almost jealous about it. He wished Dean would just tell him what was wrong so he could help.

It just made him sad that Dean was keeping it from him. There must have been a reason, but that didn’t make it not hurt, and it didn’t make it okay, at least in Cas’s opinion.

He just wanted to help.

And there had been today. He had done that a few times the past week or two, spacing out and staring at something, saying he was just thinking.

 _Well of course you are thinking,_ Cas wanted to shout, _just tell me what about!_

He was always people watching. Cas mulled that over. It always happened when they were out, or in the morning or afternoons at school. As he thought about it more, something seemed to click, making the whole situation drop into place. Because what was the common factor in everything Dean stared at when he zoned out? Kids, that’s what.

Cas wasn’t sure, not at all. It was just a guess after all. But something about it felt right. Cas thought about the implications. Did this mean Dean was thinking about kids? Did he want them? Cas had always sort of assumed Dean didn’t want them. He was always complaining about them. But they hadn’t talked about it, not directly. And now that seemed silly. Why hadn’t they?

But Dean was so good with all the kids in Cas’s class. They adored him, and to see the softness and happiness in Dean’s eyes when he was with them was one of the best feeling Cas had felt. Imagining him and Dean and a kid or two, that felt right. And Cas wasn’t sure what to do about it. The logical answer was: have a talk with Dean about children. Obviously. But it didn’t feel that simple. Because what if he was wrong? Cas worried. What if Dean was thinking about something else entirely and scoffed at Cas for suggesting something as silly as them being parents? Cas knew Dean would be a wonderful father, but did he really want to be so? And with Cas? The emotional side of his thoughts won out over logic and reason this time, and Cas said nothing, a slightly melancholy silence falling over the car on the drive, the silence between two people that want the same thing but both think the other one might want the opposite.

They didn’t speak much that night either, falling into bed with a few words, their backs pressed together.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean was jostled awake in the middle of the night, and opened his eyes to see Cas illuminated in the moonlight from the window, whose cracked blinds let in just enough of the silvery light to frame Cas’s head and messy hair like a sort of halo.

“What is it angel?” Dean asked, the nickname coming out partly because of his thoughts, partly because of habit.

He didn’t say anything at first, and Dean could just see how Cas bit his lip and looked down at his hands, which rested in his lap where he sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed, the blankets scrunched around him. Dean found himself struck once again by just, _Cas._ By who he was to Dean, how he looked, by just how much Dean cared about him. Sometimes there were just moments where the feelings overwhelmed Dean a little, and then was one of those times.

He felt a little pang about how he had been acting the past three weeks or so. No matter how well he hid his discomfort and his thoughts, he knew Cas could tell. He could see in how Cas looked back at him, the way every day his shoulders seemed just a little bit lower. And it hurt Dean, but once he had started holding it all in, he didn’t know how to let it out. He didn’t want to hurt Cas more, with something that might ruin something.

But sitting there, looking at Cas in the faint moonlight in their bed, he felt that falling away. His chest lightened a little. What had he been so afraid of, anyways? This was Cas, his husband, the man he had known since they were both five years, old, and loved just as long. This was the man who had he had promised the rest of his life to, and who had done the same for him. And even if he didn’t want kids, when Dean did, it would be okay. They would be okay. Dean did his best to convince himself of that as he opened his mouth and spoke at the same time as Cas tried to answer his question from earlier.

“I need to talk to you, Cas.”

“Dean, we should talk.”

They both fell silent after that, watching the other. Dean felt all the thoughts that were possible running through his head. The only sound was the faint blowing of the wind, the rustling of the trees outside, and a little creak of the bedframe as Dean shifted to sit up to sit in front of Cas in the (mostly) darkness.

“You first,” Dean said quietly. He looked at the top of Cas’s head, as that was all he could see as Cas hadn’t lifted his eyes to look at Dean yet. Dean just wanted to reach out and pull Cas closer, wrap him up in his arms and make the silence of the last three weeks go away. He regretted every moment he had been silent.

Cas nodded and Dean heard him swallow, which was strangely audible in the quiet room.

“I’ve noticed that… there’s been something wrong the last few weeks,” Cas began, fidgeting in his lap with his fingers, “and I wanted to give you time, but Dean, I really think we need to talk about whatever’s on your mind.”

He looked up then, finally, and Dean searched his eyes, dreading to see anger or impatience or exasperation there, but not finding any of those emotions. All he could see was sadness, with a little bit of hurt, and flicker of hope, and seeing Cas look at him like that hurt more than anger would have. Because it was his fault Cas was unhappy, it was his fault that Cas felt that Dean didn’t trust him, when the truth was that all Dean was afraid of was seeing Cas hurt, just like he was now. And so Dean stopped holding himself back. He started trusting himself a little more too, because he had always trusted Cas, completely and implicitly. It was himself that he had always had little faith in, it was himself that always held him back from reaching out to other people. So instead of hunching up and looking away, instead of denying the fact that anything was wrong, Dean let himself do as he had wanted to before, and reached out, gently but quickly pulling Cas to him in a tight embrace, their bodies pushing against each other, calming the nervous shaking that had started in both of their limbs.

“I’m sorry,” Dean whispered, burying his face in the shoulder of a somewhat confused Cas, who was holding him back tightly all the same.

“Dean?” Cas asked tentatively, rubbing his hand calmingly up and down Dean’s back. “You know you can tell me?”

Dean settled back, not letting go of Cas but pulling him closer. “I know,” he answered, feeling tears pricking at his eyes. He tried to blink them away but his vision remained a little blurry. “I wanted to talk to you, I knew I could, but I couldn’t, I just couldn’t.”

Cas pressed a kiss to Dean’s hair and squeezed him a little tighter in encouragement. He was a little perplexed by Dean’s reaction, but didn’t want him to stop, well, whatever he was doing. “It’s okay,” Cas told him quietly.

“No, it’s not,” Dean said, a tint of anger at himself in his voice. “I was scared. I was so goddamn stupid, and I was scared of what would happen… I was scared that you wouldn’t agree, I was terrified that you would.”

“You keep saying ‘would’ and ‘was’ and ‘were,’ Dean. Did something change?”

“I- I think it did. I think I was looking at myself to hard instead of looking at you. I was being selfish, and just now, you were sitting there, and I _saw you_ and I’m not making any sense and-”

Cas stopped him. “You are making sense Dean. and you are the least selfish person I have ever met,” Cas pushed away from Dean, so that their arms still held each other but they could look into the other’s eyes. “Tell me, please Dean.”

Dean swallowed once, and Cas saw the shine in his eyes from the faint glints of moonlight still coming in through their window. He answered slowly, tentatively, still unsure of himself despite everything, but he answered all the same, with a little question of his own that confirmed what Cas had been suspecting since their lunch with Charlie and Dorothy.

“Would you- have you- do you think you’d ever want kids?” the last words slipped out of his mouth almost inaudibly, merely more than a whisper as his thoughts choked the words. But he didn’t break eye contact, and his eyes were wide and a little scared and becoming shinier.

As Dean said the words though, and watched Cas’s reaction, he felt such a wave of relief he nearly gasped. Or sobbed. One of the two. But neither happened, he just sat there, almost holding his breath, feeling a weight lift off of him so quickly that he thought he might float away. Because when he finally put the thought out loud, ever keeping it concealed seemed absolutely ridiculous. Watching Cas smile, his eyes crinkling up around the corners and his gums showing around his teeth as the smile grew, Dean saw and felt how unfounded all of his fears were. Because of course Cas wanted kids, had he _seen_ Cas around the kids in his class? And even his lack of faith in himself seemed obsolete as he saw Cas smile like that. And now that he thought about it, it was pretty likely that Cas had already guessed what Dean had been thinking about, and a lot of the hurt was because he was wondering why Dean didn’t just say something about such an obvious topic. (Dean was right in this, of course)

“Thank you,” Cas said quietly, sounding like he hadn’t meant to say it out loud. It was quiet and almost reverent, and with such a light of happiness and hope in it that Dean laughed in relief.

“Does that mean-” Dean started, but was stopped from finishing his sentence by the sudden warm press of lips against his. The kiss was soft and insistent, and a little hungry, like Cas was trying to convey everything through it, his relief and his happiness and his desire. Dean reciprocated in kind, giving Cas his apology and his love and his joy and his longing through the press of tongue and lips and skin and teeth.

They broke apart after what could have been an eternity, the entire mood of the room having changed by the time they sat on the bed, light panting breaths falling on the lips of the both of them.

“There is nothing in this world I would love more, Dean Winchester,” Cas whispered into the moonlit room, “than to raise a family with you.”

 

 

They fell asleep soon after that, emotionally exhausted. But instead of having the little distance that had been between them for the past couple of weeks that had felt so wrong, or having their backs together, they were wrapped in each other’s arms. They were too warm, Dean’s arm fell asleep about as fast as he did, and there was one of their elbows poking Cas’s stomach, but it was the most comfortable they had been in what had been way too long. And they smiled a little in their sleep, finally relaxed with everything resolved between them.

 

 

The next morning when Cas wok up though, his arms were a little too cold, and he sat up quickly, startled by the realization. He had been waking up like that a lot more than he was used to lately, and it still was unfamiliar to him. Unbidden, a few tears fell from his eyes. Everything had felt so good last night, but it seemed something was still wrong. He was sure he would get up to find Dean in the kitchen like he had most mornings the last few weeks, sipping quietly at some coffee and staring with a melancholy look at the wall or at the window.

He threw off the blankets, fully intending to go in there and demand what was going on from Dean, but as his feet were hitting the cold floor and he was starting to try and hurry out the, the door to their bathroom opened and Dean came out. And then Cas promptly ran into him.

They stumbled a moment before Dean grabbed Cas’s arms with strong hands and steadied the both of them.

“Cas, what’s wrong, are you alright?” Dean looked down at him with concerned eyes, a look more open than Cas had seen out of him in a while, and he felt an unexplainable lump in his throat. He was happy, dammit, why was he crying.

“You were… in the bathroom,” Cas said, more to himself than anything, “not…”

“Yeah, I had to go to the bathroom. Is that such a tragedy?” Dean joked lightly, but he still was looking at Cas’s teary eyes with concern. “Your knee was digging into my bladder and I had to get up.”

Cas laughed then, dropping his head to Dean’s chest and sniffling into it, letting the tears disappear into Dean’s shirt. “I’m fine, I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Dean answered quietly, pulling Cas closer and pulling his chin up to kiss him softly on the cheek. Because, of course, he knew exactly what had been running through Cas’s mind. “I’m sorry.” He said it once more, just a whisper against Cas’s skin.

“Hey,” Cas lifted Dean’s head and put his hand on his husband’s cheek. “It’s all okay, Dean. Please listen to me.” His voice was low and rough and serious. “No couple is perfect Dean, you know that. It was rough but in the end it was small, and we’ve moved forward, right?”

Dean smiled then, brighter than he had even the night before. “Yeah.”

Cas opened his mouth to suggest what they do next, but his stomach spoke his though for him, letting a rather loud grumble out, that broke the serious mood and sent them both laughing a lot more than was probably necessary. But what _should be_ didn’t matter much past what _was,_ because they were simply happy.

They talked lightly over breakfast, and they didn’t speak of the topic that has officially arisen the night before, but they didn’t need to right then. They talked about work and Cas’s students and Charlie and Dorothy and the rest. The conversation drifted from topic to topic erratically, sometimes falling into a comfortable lull, then picking up again. It was Saturday, so they had nowhere to be, and ended up sitting at the table and on the couch, talking and laughing and being close to each other, almost until lunchtime.

At lunch, the two of them decided to drag their lazy selves out of the house to go eat sandwiches in the park. They threw on some jeans and comfortable t-shirts, made lunch, and walked over to the park holding hands, a lunch box hanging from Cas’s shoulder.

They continued to drift through conversation, getting from the topic of how eggs got hard when they boiled to Sam recently being accepted to Stanford somehow within five minutes.

Dean was so proud of his brother, and it showed when he talked about him. Dean had always really cared about his brother, Cas knew. He remembered vaguely that week when Dean had gone around telling the whole school about how Sam had started walking. This was the same in a way. Because he was still blurting it out in conversation, “my baby brother got accepted to Stanford!” his expression so happy that the people always smiled back, even when they couldn’t have cared less about Dean’s little brother. Because when Dean was happy, he radiated it like sunshine and made it contagious.

Dean was talking more that day than he had in months, actually, and Cas couldn’t stop smiling, listening to the endless stream of words that seemed to come from Dean, like they were a stream that had been suppressed. Cas supposed that they really were. Dean hadn’t been talking much to anyone lately, being lost in thought, but now he was free, and he was happy, and talking about everything.

“I really like Jess, Cas. I think she’s the one for Sam, honestly,” Dean was saying with a sort of serious sincerity, as they rounded a corner.

Cas smiled at him and was going to answer to agree with Dean when his phone rang. He sighed and dug it out of his pocket. “I better get it.”

“Aw come on Cas,” Dean started to complain, but was stopped by Cas.

“It’s your mom. Why is she calling me and not you?”

“Well she is your mother in law,” Dean laughed, “maybe she just wants to talk to her son’s husband.”

Cas made a huffy noise and answered the phone, continuing to walk beside Dean. They were almost to the park.

“Hello Mary,” Cas answered, a smile in his voice. He bumped shoulders with Dean and grinned. “You caught us on our way to the park. What’s up?”

Whatever answer he got made his grin fall from his face as if it had never been there, and he slowed to a stop within a few steps. Dean stopped too, and turned back to watch Cas with worry. “Cas, what is it? What’s wrong?” He felt an uneasy feeling start to twist through him.

Cas shook his head, listening to what Mary was saying, the color slowly draining from his face. He nodded, probably in response to something from the phone, and gulped. “Alright. Thank you Mary. We’ll see you soon.”

A pause.

“You as well. I’ll tell Dean you said so.”

Then he pulled the phone away from his face and dropped his head as he hung up. He stayed there, staring at his hands. Dean stepped forward, wishing he could dispel the feeling that something was awfully, horribly, wrong.

“Cas?” he rested his hand on Cas’s shoulder, willing Cas to look up, to move, to speak, to do _something_ other than stand there frozen. For a second, Dean was almost surprised that Cas’s shoulder was warm, instead of cold like the statue he appeared to be.

Cas seemed to revive at the touch, which relieved Dean, and he met Cas’s eyes, trying to convey comfort through the simple look and touch.

“Your mother sends her love.” 

“Cas?” he repeated, because Cas was standing there looking at him like he had forgotten Dean was there, even though he had just spoken to him. “What did she tell you?”

Cas swallowed and took a deep breath, the air coming in shakily. “She called to tell me that something has happened to my father. We need-” he swayed a little and Dean grabbed his husband to steady him, “we need to go back there. As soon as possible.”

Dean nodded, taking the lunch box from Cas’s shoulder. “Come one then, let’s get back. We can eat on the way there.”

He led Cas by the hand, who trailed behind him silently. Their walk home was very different than their walk to the park. It was quiet, it was tense, it was heavy, and it was hurried. The air had turned a little colder around them, despite the sun, and the world seemed to press in a little closer, feeling menacing instead of free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fixed the angst and gave you some more
> 
> sorrynotsorry


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when I was writing this and going to copy it so I could post it I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE WHOLE CHAPTER AND HAD TO REWRITE IT. So I am not exactly satisfied with the rewrite. Like, at all. But here it is anyways.
> 
> also the formatting on this chapter is a little weird because I don't know why so the spacing is basically non existent and I would fix it except I can't figure it out so sorry :/

It had been a stroke, they were told.  
When Dean and Cas had made it back to their home town, they had first gone to Mary's house, to see if she had any more to tell them- which she didn't, and to drop off their bags as that would be where they were staying.  
They drove mostly in silence, with the radio faintly playing in the background, an attempt by Mary to ease the tension, which hadn't worked much. Her two boys sat in the back quietly, Cas leaning into Dean, his face alternating between being a mask and showing the extreme pain and worry that he was feeling. Dean held onto him as tightly as he could, rubbing small circles into his tense muscles in his shoulders and on his back. Seeing Cas so upset worried him. They knew next to nothing about what had happened to Mr. Novak, only that he had collapsed and that he was in the hospital. It had happened only a short time before Mary had called Cas, so it had only been about an hour or two before Dean, Cas, and Mary were walking into the hospital and being directed to Cas's dad's room.  
That's when they learned what had happened to the man, and the prospects of his life.  
"It doesn't look good," the nurse told Cas, eyes wide and sympathetic. "I'm sorry."  
"It's okay," Cas said with a sad little smile, looking away from the nurse in front of him. And he didn't say any more, just sat down on the chair by his father's bed and watched him, until the nurse left, Mary went to get them some coffee, and Dean came up to put an arm around Cas and rub his back calmingly.  
"You okay?" he asked.  
Cas just gave him a look, and then returned his gaze to his father.  
"Sorry." Dean looked away, down at the floor, but smiled a little as Cas grabbed his hand and held on. The room was quiet except for the steady beeping of the heart monitor, and the breathing of the three people in the room. Dean couldn’t decide if it felt peaceful or tense.  
When it happened, they were all three there. One minute, there was the faint, irregular heartbeat, and then there was just the sound of that flat, dull beep that everyone waiting in a hospital dreads to hear.  
Cas put his head down, resting his chin on his chest, but retained his hold on Dean's hand, and then the bustle that came with a flat heart rate monitor surrounded the bed in front of them. He didn't move throughout the whole thing, as the doctors pronounced time of death, or as Mary left the room or as they took the body out. And Dean let him have the time, to sit there and not move and take it all in. He of all people knew what losing a parent like that felt like.  
Maybe Chuck hadn't always been the best, maybe he hadn't always been there, but he was all that Cas had, and losing that hurt. Dean understood that. Dean had Sam and his mother through that, and Cas had all of them, Dean, Sam, Mary, they could help him through it.  
Eventually, Cas raised his head, taking a long shuddering breath into the silence and looking up at Dean. There were tear tracks on his face, but his eyes were clear and dry and his jaw was set. He had been crying but he wanted to hide it.  
"Let's go home," he said, and Dean nodded, pulling his husband up by his hand and leading the two of them out of the hospital.  
When they got home, they were greeted by Sam, who had come home from school while the three of them were at the hospital. He smiled at Dean tiredly, and gave Cas a hug. Dean could see in his eyes that he was thinking the same thing as Dean. How they both knew what Cas was going though. That they understood.  
Cas went upstairs slowly, with a few mumbled words, and Dean followed, after a quick "goodnight Sam," to his brother. The two of them were exhausted, and just wanted to go to bed. Dean walked up slowly, listening to the creaking of the stairs that brought back a whole host of memories. Mary had moved back into Dean's childhood home after Dean and Cas had went away to college. It was full of memories, she said. And though it brought back those memories of John that hurt, since he was gone, she also said that there was enough good in the memories and the house to make all the pain worth it.  
Dean thought about that a lot.  
When he came in their room, Cas was curled up on the bed, in full dress still, shoes and all, and on top of the blankets. Dean approached quietly, but Cas's eyes cracked open as he came up, so he hadn’t been asleep.  
"Hey," Dean said softly, sitting on the bed facing Cas. "How you holding up?"  
Cas sighed, sitting up so that his knees touched Dean, overlapping a little just like they had always done when they were kids, and leaned his head on Dean's chest. Dean brought his hands up to hold onto Cas, rubbing his back and trying to ease some of the tension. Cas relaxed into him a little, but he shuddered a little and hunched in too, and Dean felt like something more needed to be done.  
"Hey," he said, lifting Cas's chin with his hand. Cas stared at him for a moment like that, all wide eyes, which were red rimmed and already creating small tear tracks down his cheeks, Then Cas looked away and attempted to lower his head, an almost ashamed look in his eyes.  
"Hey," Dean said again, "It's okay to cry Cas." He put his hands on either side of Cas's face and leaned in.  
It’s okay," he said softly, as he kissed the tears from the corners of Cas's eyes. "It’s okay," he whispered, as he felt more spill from Cas's eyes and leave salt on his lips where they lingered on his cheek. "It's okay," he murmured, holding Cas close and feeling the tears drop and make small dots of water on his shirt. "It's okay," he reassured, as he helped Cas out of his shoes and belt and tie and pulled him under the covers. "It’s okay," he said quietly, turning out the light and pulling Cas into his chest. "It's okay," he thought to the both of them as he closed his eyes and tasted the salt on his lips. "Please let it be okay," he prayed to someone he wasn’t sure he believed in, as he finally let his own tears fall in the darkness. 

 

They both got the next couple of weeks off from their jobs, in light of the recent events. Cas worried a lot about leaving the kids with a substitute for that long, worried about Annabelle being looked after by Charlie, worried about everything. But Dean managed to reassure him (though he was having all the same worries). The kids would be fine for two weeks, Dean knew. Though they both missed them quite a lot, especially Lily and Claire. But with all the other things to grieve and worry over, the kindergarteners did take a backseat as far as worries went.  
Meanwhile, they had a lot to do. The funeral was being planned to happen within the next week, since there was no reason to wait. All the affairs were in order, there was no family and only a few friends to call, and no one felt like putting it off. Chuck hadn't had much, just the house and a small amount of savings that apparently he had been keeping for Cas. He had not made much as a writer, but he gotten by. It had gotten harder in the later years, as he had picked up a drinking habit, but even so, the house was in decent shape and there wasn't any debt. Chuck had seemed like a frazzled mess but he had had his things in order and accounted for. And he had left all of the little he had to Cas.  
Cas had decided to hang onto the house for a while. The utilities were turned off and the mortgage had been paid completely, so it didn't cost them hardly anything to keep. It held a lot of memories, good and bad and in between, and Cas was going to hang onto those as best as he could. It was all he had left off his father after all.  
Chuck hadn't been the best father, they both knew that. He was always worn and tired and distracted He was grumpy and a little neglectful and sometimes controlling, but he was a good man under that. He wanted what was best for his son, and did his best to create that. Dean would miss him, he already did, probably not nearly as much as Cas did, but Chuck and him had formed their own relationship, Dean being Cas’s husband and everything.  
Chuck had been a bit off ever since Hazel, his wife, left, his friends said, though wouldn’t talk any more about that time. Whatever had happened with Hazel leaving or disappearing or whatever had happened to her had changed him into the tired apathetic being that he had been in the life Dean had known him in.  
Everything for the funeral was all set up, and though it was a small and simple one, it still required a lot of planning, which was mostly taken care of by Cas. Dean worried about him and if being so involved in the process would be too much on him, and he did his best to help where he could, but during the day, Cas was able to keep up quite the facade. He seemed cold, stony almost, and to any outside observer, it would have appeared that he was unfeeling. But Dean could see everything that he was hiding with that. All the barely concealed pain and grief. It was covered with the mask that Cas had perfected. It was as good as Dean's, better probably. He seemed a being incapable of feeling. At least during the day and around others. He was very professional, arranging everything, calling people, making sure the day would run smoothly.  
Once night came though, it all fell away. All that feeling and pain that he had been building up during the day, he climbed into bed with Dean and he let it all out. He would cry and talk and sometimes just mumble through the tears. But Dean would hold him as close as possible and Dean would listen. And he would cry too. Chuck had become close to him to, in his own way, and Dean felt the loss keenly. Not so much as Cas, but still enough for it to hurt. A lot.  
But Dean had lost a lot of people in his life, so that he was equipped to deal with the feeling. It didn't make it any better, but he was more experienced at pushing on. It was newer to Cas, and Dean was helping him through it, moving along next to him step by limping step. And often, that meant lying together in bed as they slept, tears on both of their faces and arms wound so tight around each other that it was impossible to tell where each of them ended. And it was soft words and comforts and love whispered, shown through words and touches kisses that tasted like tears.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SORRY MY UPDATES HAVE BEEN SO INTERMITTENT AHHHHH
> 
> I really need to force myself into a schedule with this or something. My friend had to bug me to write this next chapter (thanks you Kayla) and so it ended up being written in the middle of the night. Seriously, I finished it at two in the morning, so If stuff is a bit weird... well sorry.
> 
> Also this chapter is a little fluffier than I planned, near the end. But I still almost cried writing some of it. Hope you enjoy.

The day of the funeral was, understandably, much worse on everyone. That morning, Dean got up, leaving Cas curled up in bed, had a shower, got dressed, started breakfast, and went back to find only a burrito of blankets in place of his husband. Or rather, around his husband.

"Cas?” he called. Cas didn’t move, “Come on Cas, you have to get ready." Dean gently prodded the warm, human filled mass of covers.

Cas made a muffled distressed sound, and Dean sighed a little. Carefully, he unrolled the Cas-burrito to reveal the sleepy, puffy-eyed face of Cas.

"You have to get up."

Cas looked away, biting his lip and setting his jaw.

"You know you’ll regret it forever if you don't get out of bed and go to this thing."

Cas glared at Dean, and then let that all drop. He looked so worn, so tired and unhappy and broken down by his grief. It pained Dean even more to see Cas like this. He had been trying to stay strong for Castiel, but there was only so much he could go through before he started to break down too.

Cas must have seen the shift in Dean's expression at his thoughts, as he frowned a little harder and sat up, putting a hand on Dean's cheek.

"We can do this." 

Dean covered Cas's hands with his own. "Yeah."

Soon after that, they both got ready, talking about unimportant things, distracting themselves with levity from the heavier business that was to come. There was one rather bad moment though, when they had to bring the box with Chuck's ashes. Chuck had been cremated, in accordance with his wishes, and had been entrusted to his closest kin, which had of course been Cas.

The drive out there was tenser. It was just a few of them coming, Dean, Cas, Mary, Sam (who was bringing Jess, who had known Chuck a little actually too because of her involvement in the family), and possibly a few friends of Chuck's. There was a woman named Becky, and a man named Clive who sounded like they might come when Cas and Dean talked to them on the phone.

Dean drove, and Cas held his hand the whole way there, squeezing just a little too tight, but just as tight as both of them needed.

When they got to the grave plot, they were the first ones there. The two of them had a few moments in the quiet morning alone together, before Mary drove up with the two teenagers, and they joined them. It was late morning, early afternoon, and so it was cool. There was a light breeze that rustled the leaves in the trees that were growing sporadically around in the grass of the graveyard. It had turned out to be a rather nice day, and Dean couldn't decide if it felt out of place, or if it lent an air of levity to the proceeding which was needed. It just was what it was he supposed.

Mary laid a hand on each of their shoulders, squeezing lightly and offering a small sad smile when they turned to look at her. She let go of Dean to take both of Cas's hands in hers.

"How are you holding up, dear?" she smiled at him reassuringly, an expression which he attempted to return, albeit shakily.

"I'll be alright," Cas said quietly, looking down at his hands. Dean could hear the half-truth in his words, and slipped an arm around Cas's waist, pressing a small kiss to the side of his head.

Mary just nodded knowingly, and then released him, walking away with a quick backward glance that beckoned them forward. They all approached the site, and Cas stopped at the car to bring the box. It was a simple thing, made of a dark wood with a dark pattern and a modest close. It seemed to fit the man, at least in Dean’s opinion.

After a little while longer, the other showed up, as well as the people there to do the actual burying and the official from the church. Chuck had kinda had his own way with religion, Dean had gathered. He was a lot more relaxed than most people seemed to think necessary, and while he hadn't focused on it, it had still been something important in his life. Cas wasn't sure if he had ever actually seen him attend church, but he was still somehow friends with the pastor, and the man had come to officiate the burial and say a few words.

Dean honestly couldn't later remember most of what happened at the funeral. He was in a daze, a little overwhelmed by what was happening, as well as making sure he was paying attention to Cas.

It's funny, the things you remember, Dean later thought. You think it will be the big things, like people's speeches and their faces and so on. But that isn’t the case, not really. At least not this time.

Dean remembered Cas's fingers laced through his, a constant pressure that helped both of them. He remembered the way everyone’s words echoed through the empty morning air, how a there were a few bird calls that seemed so out of place to him at the time. He remembered when Cas stepped forward to speak, the way his always constant, always steady voice broke a little and wavered. He remembered Cas's sad smile, and then the tears, the ones that fell first from Cas's eyes, and then his own, and then from nearly everyone else.

One last thing he remembered was the feeling of the dirt between his fingers at he took a handful to put into the grave. The way it sifted through them, and clung to the little hairs on the back of his hand, and the way it got under his fingernails and stayed there. He watched it fall down onto the small box in the little hole in the ground, and oddly enough, it gave him a small feeling of peace. It didn't fix everything, of course. Nothing exists that can do that. No, it was more that it started the path to recovery, he thought. There was still a shitload to work through, of course. But as they watched them covered the grave with shovelful after shovelful of the cool, brown dirt, and he squeezed Cas's hand a little tighter, he felt, for perhaps the first time, that they could do it.

 

 

The day before they went back to life as—for lack of a better word—normal, Dean and Cas went to the house, just for memories sake. Cas said he wanted to, and Dean was never one to deny him, no matter what. He was a little worried about it being too much for Cas, as they were still in the depths of grief, the both of them, but Cas said he thought it could help, and so they went.

At first, when Dean stepped through the door of the house, he thought it was a big mistake, He was hit with the childhood memories, and he could only imagine what it was like for Cas. Well, he didn't have to really, as he had gone through the same thing, in a way, losing his father. No matter what the situation, that was hard.

They stood in the entryway for a minute or so, just taking it all in. The house was quiet, but it had always been so. Chuck had liked it silent so that he could think and write. The house reminded Dean of the mornings of sleepovers he had had at Cas's house when they were little, how the hallways felt cold and quiet, and they would have to tiptoe around in socky feet to go sit on the couch or sneak outside to sit under the tree. For a moment, he half expected to hear a snore come out of the door that led into Chuck's office, as he had so many times before. It wasn't the same house, but it housed the same life, or at least it had.

He glanced at Cas to see him looking at the door, and guessed he was thinking of the same thing that Dean was. Cas turned his head to meet Dean's gaze, and Dean could see the tears starting to well in his eyes.

 _You okay?_ He asked with his eyes.

Cas gave a slight nod, and then started to walk through the house. Dean trailed behind him as they made their way down the halls, walking quietly. Dean wasn't exactly sure why they were being so quiet, but it felt as if they should, as if doing any otherwise would be wrong.

They made their way through the house wordlessly, sometimes pausing at a one room or another and exchanging looks as if to say, _you remember when.._. maybe with a smile, maybe with a sigh, maybe with a silent tear. But soon enough, they found themselves in the backyard, under the tree. It had grown quite a bit since they had last been there. They hadn't visited Chuck's house after moving out. They had only met him places, like out to lunch or at Mary's. So now, to stand under that tree, to look up into its branches and see them winding around the old treehouse, that was something.

Dean had crazy idea then. "We should go up."

Cas raised his eyebrows. "I doubt we would fit, Dean, and if we did, I am not sure it would hold. It is a very old treehouse."

"Aw, come on, we're not that old. We'll fit and it will be fine." Dean let a grin play on his lips, and he knew Cas was coming when he let out a sigh.

"Fine. But if I fall and hurt myself, you are doing all the chores in the house for a year."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Sure, angel. But you know I'd never let you fall."

Cas gave him a small smile, and then led them to the base of the ladder, which was still nailed into place on the trunk. They climbed up slowly and carefully, and once a board broke under Dean, but that one had always been shaky anyways, and he was fine. They managed to pile into the treehouse, falling on top of each other a little in the cramped space, with a few grunts and a bit of hushed laughter.

They struggled into sitting positions, knees pressed together, sitting carefully on the weather beaten boards, which creaked but held firm. They were both leaned forward, heads against the other, and Dean's hands had found their way around Cas. He didn't remember putting them there but it felt right. It had been instinct, he supposed.

"What was the point of this?" Cas whispered.

"How the hell should I know?" Dean whispered back. Then he sighed. "I really have no idea. I just felt like we should, you know?"

Cas was quiet a moment, and Dean felt him nod. There was light streaming in through the window, as it was only about the middle of the day, but his eyes were closed, and all he could see was the warm red colors of the light shining through his eyelids, as well as the shadow of Cas in front of him.

"Remember the first time we were in here?" Dean asked quietly. He wasn't exactly sure why. It was just a day for memories.

"Yeah." There was a smile in Cas's voice.

"It was our first real castle, one just for us, with no one to come in and step on it or take it away."

Cas hummed in agreement, his hands coming up to circle around Dean's back. It was hot in the tree house, but not uncomfortably so. It was more like a warm blanket of air, pressing in on them. It reminded Dean of that first day. And the feeling of Cas’s arms around him only made him feel more secure.

"And I told you that you made me happy," Dean continued.

Cas's hands played with the hair a the nape of Dean's neck. The heat and the moment just wrapped the two of them up in their own little bubble, in their makeshift wooden castle in their tree. And for a minute, Dean pretended he could forget about life, about everything except Cas in front of him. He opened his eyes, to see Cas a few inches away, His eyes were still closed, the sunlight shining through his eyelashes, shaping the hollows and curves and planes of his face, defining the light stubble on his cheeks, and making Dean's favorite pet name for him seem all the more fitting. _Angel._

"And I kissed you for the first time," Dean whispered, unable to pull his gaze away from Cas. The whole world, everything he knew they were going through, it all felt so far away in that moment, and he silently thanked the universe for a moment of peace. He barely wanted to blink for missing a split second of anything. He watched as Cas's lips twitched up in a small smile and counted it a small victory, making Cas smile. It always was, but this time he cherished it just a little more, in the face of all they were going through.

And suddenly he was drowning in blue, as Cas opened his eyes to meet Dean's. The light was reflecting in his eyes in such way as to make them seem bottomless, and, with only an inch or so between their eyes, it was breathtaking. But then those eyes were filled with tears and the they were out of Dean's sight, buried in his shoulder as Cas leaned into him more. Dean wasn't entirely sure what brought it on, but either way, he pulled Cas closer to him, so that the other man was in his lap, knees on either side of his waist, arms securely around Dean's shoulders.

Dean held him tightly and didn't let go, because he didn't often actually know what to do, and he was pretty much crap with words a lot of the time, but one thing he knew he could always do was be there. No matter what, he had promised himself a long time ago (and promised in a more legal way not that long ago) that he would hold on to Cas for all he was worth and past that. And another thing he could do was know Cas. He knew that man better than he knew himself a lot of the time. And he was pretty sure he could tell what was going through Cas's head right then. So he sat there, gently rubbing Cas's back and whispering in his ear.

"I love you Cas. Everything will be okay, I know it will be. You're not alone. You never have to be alone. I'll always be here for you. And if you ever fall, I'll catch you. I'll fall with you and I'll catch you and I'll carry you as long as you need me too."

He dropped a kiss into Cas's hair, the strands tickling at his nose.

They both ended up falling asleep there, reminiscent of their first time in their so called castle. They were a little more crowded this time around, but they fell asleep in the warm sun all the same, Cas's head resting on Dean's shoulder and their legs intertwined and the cares of the world forgotten for just a little while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually did a little research for this one guys. About cremation and what they do with the ashes. So I think I got that part right. I also loosely based the funeral, at least my picture of it, off of the only one I have been to, which was for my grandma, so forgive me if it's a bit weird or something.
> 
> All thoughts, kudos, and comments are very much appreciated. <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god
> 
> It's been so long
> 
> I'm so sorry guys, I feel like shit about it
> 
>  
> 
> I hope this chapter is alright, it was weird getting back into the groove of these dorks. I reread the whole fic first.

They woke up a few hours later, as it was getting cold, and as the sun was setting from the window of the tree house. They were both rather sore, from sleeping on the hard wooden floor and in such a cramped space. They crawled out of the tree with only a few short words and some grunts exchanged as they maneuvered down the ladder, Dean after Cas.  
  
Dean turned to Cas, and then immediately laughed.  
  
"What?" Cas asked, his expression one of confusion that Dean couldn't help but find adorable.  
  
"Nice hair there, Cas," Dean reached out to ruffle said hair, but his hand served only to further put the strands of dark hair intro disarray, rather than to tamp them down. Though that was what he had been trying to do.

To Dean’s delight, Cas just rolled his eyes and left his hair as it was, taking Dean’s hand and walking the both of them back inside the house, and then through it, their footsteps echoing off the walls and making the house seem even emptier in the growing darkness.

They climbed in the car out in front of the house, and began the drive back to their apartment. Dean was glad to be going back to their castle, to Anastasia and their jobs. Ho looked forward to seeing Claire and Lily and all the other kindergarteners, but he dreaded the looks of sympathy in everyone’s eyes. He knew all of his and Cas’s coworkers would be “Sorry for their loss.” And though he knew they would only be trying to care and help, it didn’t mean that by now that phrase didn’t grate on him, make him want to grit his teeth and scowl. He knew he was going to have to smile and nod and say “it’s okay” and “thank you” a bunch of times, and he really didn’t want to. But that was life, he supposed, doing stuff you don’t want to do.

Cas fell asleep again leaning on the window of the passenger side of Dean’s car, his face pressed up into the glass, so that Dean was sure the view from the other side of the window would be hilarious. But he let him sleep. Cas deserved all the rest he could get. Sleep had been hard for the both of them those last couple of weeks.

They pulled up to the Castle apartments a little while after the world had grown dark, and Dean climbed out of the car quietly, in an attempt not to wake Cas. He opened the passenger side, making sure to not let Cas fall out of the car as the window he was leaning on moved away. He unbuckled Cas’s seatbelt, and carefully put his arms around his husband, trying to lift him out of the car.

The problem with this was that Cas really wasn’t very slight. He had a lot of muscle on him, and a bit of pudge around his middle to boot, which he didn’t really like, though Dean did and made sure to tell him so. But the thing was that Cas was heavy. He was tall and strong and solid and _heavy._ So lifting him out of the car was a massive effort, and Dean staggered a lot, nearly falling over but managing to stay upright somehow. Cas’s head lolled against Dean’s shoulder, and Dean smiled down at his stupid adorable sleeping face for a moment before he realized his arms were shaking and he really should get inside if he wanted to pull this off.

Dean kicked the door of the car closed as softly as he could, which wasn’t that softly, and began to stagger towards the apartment building. He was so glad that they lived on the first floor. When he got to the door, Dean realized his biggest mistake. His arms were burning and his legs were shaking and he couldn’t unlock the god damn door because his hands were full of a lightly snoring Cas.

Dean sighed and leaned his back against the wall perpendicular to their door. He tried to shift Cas so that he could reach his keys, and ended up with Cas’s feet on the ground and Cas leaning up against him, a giant dead weight on his side. Damn, that guy could sleep hard when he wanted to.

He got the door open, and he was so close, but in trying to hoist Cas up again to carry him over the threshold and into their rooms, he almost dropped him, and sunk to his knees in the effort to stop the dropping of his husband from happening.

There was no way he was getting up. He didn’t have the strength. He groaned softly and leaned his head on Cas’s mess of hair where his still leaned on his chest and shoulder. He felt Cas shifting in his lap. _Shit._ Well his romantic carry the husband to bed plan was not working out. He’d just wanted to let Cas sleep.

“Dean?” Cas said blearily, lifting his head so that it pushed into Dean’s.

“Hey Cas,” Dean said tiredly.

Cas sat up and half slid out of Dean’s lap. His hair could only be called fuzzy, and he blinked confusedly and squintily around him “Why are we sitting in the entryway?”

Dean held back a sudden laugh. “Cause I was an idiot and tried to carry you in from the car.”

Cas laughed, and Dean joined him quietly. “Oh you sweet dork,” Cas smiled fondly, shaking his head. “We better get inside.”

“Yeah.” Dean got up and extended his hand to Cas, who took it and leaned on Dean as soon as he was up.

“You can still carry me, you know,” Cas told him, with an exaggerated yawn.

“Yeah right,” Dean scoffed. “You’re fricken heavy.”

Cas pulled back and pouted. “Please, I’m so tired.”

Dean stared back with wide eyes. The little shit. “Fine.”

Cas smiled sleepily at him and let himself be picked up in the same fashion as before, hanging on a little as Dean carried him the rest of the way to their bedroom.

“Spoiled brat,” Dean joked, letting Cas down onto the covers gently. “I’m never doing that again.”

Cas laughed and tugged Dean down next to him. “You will. And if it isn’t me, it’ll be our kid.”

Dean smiled at that. “Yeah.”

Cas laughed softly and pulled Dean closer, so that Dean was snuggled into his chest. They fell asleep quickly despite how much they had already slept that day, still exhausted from everything that was going on.

 

 

They next day when their alarm went off, they both laid there in bed for longer than usual, dreading getting up and facing the day, facing everyone’s sympathy and all the explanations that were to be made. They both just wished it was over already.

But eventually they couldn’t wait longer, and they dragged each other out of bed. Getting ready that morning consisted of a lot of soft words of encouragement from both of them, light touches as they brushed past each other, and a lot of glances, just to be reassured.

Dean had gotten one additional day off from work so that he could be with Cas on his first day back. It was mostly for Cas, and also a little for himself. He had really missed all of those kids. He could help Cas through this, and though he knew that the tide of kindergarteners that were coming for sure would mean well, but would probably be overwhelming.

The car ride was quiet, but not uncomfortably so. Dean played some rock station quietly and they clung to each other’s hands the whole way there.

They got out of the car and went through the office, so that Cas could collect his mail and so that Dean could sign in.

Thankfully, the lady at the front desk only greeted them with a sad smile, and welcomed them back.

“Thanks,” Dean said gruffly.

“See you Friday,” she responded.

 

They had a few minutes alone in the classroom together before the first kids came in. The first was a little boy named Nathan, whose eyes lit up when he saw Cas and Dean, and ran over to greet them, becoming instantly glued to Cas’s leg.

The class trickled in, kid by kid. When Lucy came in, she shrieked and ran at the two of them, practically leaping into Dean’s arms. She only let go when Claire came in, and then two small bodies tackled Dean, clinging to him like little monkeys. He was so glad to see them. He felt instantly a whole lot better, the sadness pushed to the side a little.

“I missed you so much Mr. Dean and Cas!” Claire declared. “The substitute teacher was awful! He didn’t give us snacks or read the story in the right voices or anything. And he made me and Lily sit at different tables ‘cause we were talking!” She looked scandalized, and Dean laughed.

“Well we can’t be having that now, can we?”

She shook her head solemnly.

Then Lily gasped. “Claire, we should tell them about the—”

“Shhh!” Claire interrupted her. “It’s a surprise!”

With that the two of them wriggled out of Dean’s arms, Claire shouting out to the class, “Let’s get the things we made!”

There was a collective sound of agreement and the class followed Claire and Lily over to behind Cas’s desk. Dean and Cas watched with confusion as the kids pulled out a little box from behind there, and a couple of them picked it up, brought it over to Cas, and handed it to him.

“There you go Mr. Cas,” said one of the kids, Noah.

“We all made these for you,” chimed in William, with a gappy grin. He’d just lost both his front teeth, and it made the “th” sound whistle. Dean laughed a little.

“Thank you very much,” Cas said, confusion still in his voice, as he took the box from the grubby outstretched hands.

The whole class watched expectantly as Cas unfolded the top flaps of the box and peered inside of it. Dean watched his expression turn from one of confusion to one that he couldn’t quite describe.

There was a sad smile on his face, as he looked down at whatever was in the box. “Thank you all so much,” he said again, this time with more feeling, like there was a lump in his throat. Dean walked over to stand next to him and see what the box contained which had touched Cas so much.

It was full of cards, one from each kid, he assumed. It was easily seen that the kids had made them by themselves, the painstaking sloppy lettering on the front, with all the different colors everywhere, marker and crayon lines adorning the front of the construction paper.

Cas’s class had made cards for him and Dean. They spelled out things like “sorry about your dad” and “we love you Mr. Cas” and a wide variety of messages like that. Cas took them over to his desk and started to sort through them, Dean by his side.

Dean could see Cas was a little overwhelmed, and felt tears pricking at his own eyes. He looked up to see the class watching them.

Cas looked up too. “When did you all do this?”

Lily stepped forward. “The substitute told us why you were gone and we wanted to do it. So we made them. It was Claire’s idea.”

Cas stood, leaving the box on his desk to look through later, and approached his students. “Thank you all so much, you are wonderful, and it means the world to me.”

And soon there was a huge kindergarten group hug going on, with Cas kneeling in the center of it, surrounded by little hands and little faces.

“Come on, Mr. Dean!” one of the students piped up, and with a small laugh, Dean joined in, feeling a little silly kneeling down and hugging onto the outside of a mass of five year olds, but it made him smile, and to see Cas happy like that, after all this, that was what was really important. He could see tears on Cas’s cheeks, and was reminded of how much this group of kids meant to them both.

 

That night, Cas took the box home and took the time to go through every one, admiring the artwork and the letters, telling Dean how one student or another had improved, while Dean sat beside him, arm around Cas, looking at all the cards too, the blankets over their knees. Some of them were funny, some were illegible or made no sense, but they were all sweet in their own way. Claire and Lily had made one together, with many carefully drawn out hearts all over it, and a stick figure drawing of the four of them, Dean, Cas, Lily, and Claire, all surrounded by a big heart in the middle of the inside of the card.

Cas smiled and ran his finger around the outside of the heart. “They’re such wonderful kids.”

“Yeah, Dean agreed, turning to stick his cold nose in the hollow on the side of Cas’s neck. Cas shivered and Dean laughed.

“I hope our kid is as wonderful as all of them.” Cas mused quietly.

Dean grinned onto Cas’s shoulder, pressing a few kisses up his jaw. “It’ll be our kid, of course they will be. You’ll be the best father, and I’ll make sure to keep them in line.” Dean marveled at the words, so light and free and out in the open. The more they talked about it the more he wanted it.

Cas just laughed. “Yeah.” He put the box aside, on their nightstand, and leaned his head down to kiss Dean, wrapping his arms around his husband. Dean pushed back up into him, rolling back and pulling Cas on top of him. Cas dropped his head down onto Dean’s shoulder, nestling down and breathing out a sigh. They had made it through one day. Only a hell of a lot more to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It occurs to me that I end stuff with them falling asleep a loooooooot is that bad?
> 
> Random fact, I thought of the idea with the cards because that's what my second grade class did for my mom when she went into the hospital. I know stuff like that means a lot and I thought it would be sweet if Cas's class did that for him
> 
> I graduate high school this Thursday, and everything has just been killing me. Hopefully with summer and stuff I'll be able to write more. I just lost all of my motivation and drive for a few months there. Then today, I just sort of jumped up with this sudden realization like, "I want to write!" so I did...
> 
>  
> 
> I want to make a huuuuge apology for taking so long with this. I know I probably lost some people, I know how awful it is when a fic doesn't update. I'm sorry. I'll try to be better but honestly at this point I shouldn't make promises because apparently I am bad at keeping them.
> 
> But seriously if I take too long this next time, bug me about it. It wouldn't be annoying, it would most likely help actually. Sometimes I kind wonder if anyone is reading this still, you know...
> 
>  
> 
> Again, I am so sorry. Hopefully I see you all again soon with the next chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short chapter, sorry! But I am almost done with the next one and it's much longer. I just had to put this littler part by itself. I'll upload the next chapter in about a week. :D enjoy

The months progressed, and it was still hard, but Cas and Dean were learning to deal with what had happened, and it was beginning to be okay. Cas's class was progressing wonderfully, they were the best advancing kindergarten class at the school. Cas was extremely proud of them, and Dean was extremely proud of them, and of Cas as well.

Dean was doing really well at the garage, he loved his work, and they loved him there. They wished he would work Fridays too, but Dean refused. No way was he giving up his time at the school with Cas and the kindergarteners. He loved his job but Fridays were always the highlight of his week. Seeing the kids, having them run to give him a hug, grabbing his hand to lead him somewhere, those were the best feelings ever, in Dean's opinion, second only to what he felt with Cas.

Soon enough, the first half of the year was over, and Christmas came up. The time of year was a little hard, everyone remembering family that they couldn't be with, but they still had a nice holiday. Dean and Cas went over to Mary's to spend it with her and Sam and Jess. Bobby came too, of course. Mary had bought a small, nice little tree, and her boys helped her decorate it. They didn't have a whole ton of ornaments, but all of the ones they did have had some sort of story attached to them.

Dean loved telling them, and Cas loved hearing them, even though he had heard them before, and was even a part of several of them, like the project he and Dean had made in kindergarten. Their school had done this little thing around Christmas where each of the kindergarteners got a piece of paper with a poem on it about family, and then they put a handprint on it, and signed their names. It was supposed to be a cute little sweet thing for the parents. When Dean and Cas made theirs, they both signed and hand printed each other’s, so that the laminated piece of paper hung up on the tree by a bent old pipe cleaner hand two handprints, a blue and a green, and two carefully written signatures on it. Dean and Cas. And one of them had put a little heart next to it, though both argued that the other had done it. That was one of Mary's favorites.

It was a nice and quiet holiday break, and ended up being just what they needed. They felt better after coming back, ready for the New Year, and the second half of the school year. The New Year brought a lot of thought about the future, about what might be in store for them.

“If we’re going to end up with a family,” Dean said one day, smiling at the prospect, “we’re going to need somewhere bigger and less crappy.”

“I agree,” Cas answered, leaning back on the counter in the kitchen, where they had been cleaning up from dinner. “But it still feels almost wrong, leaving the castle. Like we’re betraying out younger selves.”

“True,” Dean came closer and wrapped his arms around Cas, who smiled and leaned into him, putting his arms around Dean in turn, and humming softly into his neck, “but,” Dean continued,” we can find a better castle for ourselves, one where the heating always works and Joe one floor up doesn’t have random stampedes going through at one in the morning, where there’s room for a baby’s room,” Dean began rocking them back and forth a little, so that they were swaying together to silent music, “and you can have a garden and I can have a garage, and” he was momentarily stopped by Cas’s lips seeking his, and they both laughed under their breaths as Dean continued to speak and Cas continued to kiss him, so that Dean’s word came out in between kisses and huffed laughter, “and… we can have a…. driveway… and play our music loud if we want… and guinea pigs… a treehouse…”

At the last word Cas pulled away, his eyes bright with something, “Dean!”

“Hmm?” Dean asked, leaning back in, going after the kiss Cas had cut short.

“Hang on, Dean, that’s it!” Cas laughed, kissing Dean hard, but briefly.

“What’s what?” Dean pulled back, his hands still firmly on Cas’s lower back.

“Treehouse!” Cas exclaimed with a smile.

“I don’t think I follow.”

“I have that house my father left behind, why couldn’t we live there? It has out first castle, and so much space, and, Dean, it could be perfect. It seems almost ridiculous we didn’t think of it before.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “You think that would be a good idea?”

Cas squinted. “Of course, don’t you?”

“Well, I mean, it’s a great old house, and it’s nice cause it’s all paid off and everything, but are you sure you’d be okay there, is what I meant?” Dean would love to live there, he just knew it would stir up a lot of old memories for Cas, and he didn’t want him to ever be unhappy where they were living.

Cas dropped his head to Dean’s shoulder and took a deep breath. “It would take some adjusting for sure,” he said quietly, “and it’s not like I want to move right away, but I think that when we are ready, I just feel that it’s perfect. It makes sense, and we both love that old house. Plus, remember what your mom said when she moved back, how there are good memories too, and they can outweigh the bad ones.”

“Yeah,” Dean let his cheek fall against Cas’s hair, and held him a little closer. He felt a small thrill go through him. This was really going to happen, and it felt right. “Whenever you are ready to move into our house, so am I.”

“I like that,” Cas yawned, “our house.” He nuzzled a little into Dean’s shoulder. “Our castle.”

“Yeah,” Dean said again, feeling the happiness swell inside him. “Our new castle.”


	9. Chapter 9

Though they weren’t moving in for a while, the planning started immediately. They weren’t going to have to pay any mortgage or pay off the house, cause that was done, but there were still a lot of expenses associated with the house. It was old and creaky, Chuck had neglected some things that Dean and Cas really wanted fixed before they truly called that place home. Stuff like, the mold in the basement and the paint in the guest room and the broken faucet and rusty piping and several other projects of the like. They figured they could clean up the overgrown garden and reinforce the treehouse and replace some of the furniture and such once they were already moved in. Additionally, they had to get the utilities set up to run again.

Cas decided that they should move in at the end of January, or after then if the projects weren’t completed yet. Dean wondered if it was a little soon, but he stood by Cas’s decision. They planned to pay the rent for the month of February, and see how it went from there.

In the meantime, free hours and such were spent down at the house. It was a bit more of a drive to get there since it was the next town over, so driving to work would be harder for them once they moved in, but they figured it was worth it, and spent what time they could there, working on what projects they could do themselves, and overseeing any that needed to be done by someone else.

The month of January went by quickly, and soon enough the end of it was approaching. The house wasn’t quite ready though, and they both found themselves a little sad that they couldn’t move in yet. All the working on the house and thinking about it and planning had gotten the two really excited, but it seemed that it would take at least a week of February, possibly two, for it to be move in ready for them.

It ended up taking about a week and a half, and on February 10th it was officially done. They started moving their own stuff then, not wanting to pay for movers. So it took a few days, of them with the Impala, and Mary with the truck, for them to get everything over there. But soon enough, everything that they needed to move from the apartment was out, and everything they were getting rid of, which was a lot of their furniture, was sold or donated. The house had still been fully furnished, so they had kept the stuff such as the dining table and the couches and the bed frame. They had taken the chance to replace their mattress though, and had gotten a new one. Dean and Cas were both looking forward to trying it out that night.

It happened to work out very well, the timing and all, and they laughed about it, as the first day and night that they would be spending in their new house would be the day before Valentine’s Day.

And when at last, they had checked out of the apartment, gotten a very disgruntled Annabelle into a pet carrier, put the last couple of boxes in the Impala, and driven away from the Castle apartments for the last time, they walked up the front sidewalk to the door, unlocked it, and stood on the threshold of what they could now truly call their house. They stood in the doorway for a moment, a little overwhelmed, but then Annabelle had meowed from the carrier where Cas held her, and broke the spell momentarily.

Cas led the way into the house, Dean following him, carrying the last two small boxes. He set them down in the entryway next to a couple others. They didn’t have a whole lot to bring with them, but there were still quite a few boxes, most of which sat along walls in rooms, waiting to be unpacked. But that could happen another day.

Dean locked the door and Cas watched him, then Cas set down the carrier and opened the door, to free the cat.

She didn’t come out right away, but stuck out her nose, glancing around before carefully stepping out of the carrier and sniffing around her, while her tail swished back and forth with agitation. They both watched Annabelle as she began to explore. Dean leaned into Cas’s side, and the two of them smiled as the cat began to meow and wind around the furniture, exploring the house. She came over to them after a few minutes, and Cas bent down to pick her up. She meowed loudly in protest at first, but when it was clear that she was not getting way from Cas, she settled for glaring at Dean, like it was somehow his fault that she had been ensnared by her grabby owner. Dean chuckled and pet her head a little.

“Hey Cas,” Dean said quietly, barely wanting to break the midafternoon peace.

Cas let the cat down and hooked his arms around Dean’s back, smiling widely at him.

Dean smiled back, resting his hands on Cas’s hips, and the two of them stood there together, taking a moment to absorb everything.

There was a soft light filtering in through the windows, and even though the lights of the house weren’t on, the sunlight lit up patches of the room they stood in, casting shadows on the walls and the couches, and made the whole room a cozy sort of warm. It was still winter, so the sun wasn’t very strong, they had gotten lucky that the day was sunny. Just yesterday the sky had been filled with stormy clouds and a few snowflakes had fallen.

Dean turned his gaze to Cas, who must have felt it, as he turned his head towards Dean at the same time. The muted light shone through Cas’s hair, and one half of his face was more lit, as it faced the window. His eyes were bright and happy, and his smile shone.

Dean felt something stir up in his heart, and felt himself choking up for a reason he didn’t quite understand. “I love you,” he whispered, sniffed a little, and then laughed. “Cas, I love you so damn much.”

Cas leaned in to kiss him, softly and sweetly, and when Cas pulled back, Dean could see his eyes glistening a little with tears as well. “I love you too,” he answered with a shaky little laugh. “Welcome home.”

“Home,” Dean repeated, a whisper into Cas’s neck. “We’re home.”

It took them a while, but they managed to disentangle themselves from each other, and spent the rest of the day unpacking what they could, putting away the important stuff like dishes and food (what very little they had brought with them), laughing at Anabelle as she discovered new parts of the house, etc. They spent a sizeable amount of time in the back garden, laying in the long grass, Dean’s head on Cas’s arm, staring up into the sky through the branches of the beloved tree.

“When we have a kid,” Cas said softly, his fingers playing with Dean’s hand, “I hope they enjoy that treehouse as much as we did.”

“How could they not?” said Dean, rolling over onto Cas, who let out a grunt as Dean’s weight came on top of him. “It’s a fucking awesome treehouse.”

Cas laughed and pulled Dean’s face down to kiss him.

That night, there wasn’t much for dinner, and they ended up at the kitchen table with bowls of cereal and plastic spoons. Neither of them could remember what box the silverware had gone in, and they were too exhausted to even think about opening up another box. But it was good, simple and quiet and somehow fitting. Annabelle had already found her favorite place, at least for a little while, because they did not plan on leaving that empty box out. But she fell asleep there when it got dark, her chin resting on her little furry arm.

After dinner, they both were yawning, and figured that going to sleep would be a good idea. Dean flopped onto the bed face first and let out a groan. “I love this mattress, Cas.”

Cas laughed at him softly, and then yanked on Dean’s foot, causing his husband to grunt unhappily. “Come on, come brush your teeth before you fall asleep.” They had already changed into sweats and t shirts a few hours ago, for comfort’s sake, and though all Cas wanted to do was fall into bed next to Dean, he knew they should get ready for bed properly.

“I don’t wanna,” was what Cas was pretty sure Dean’s muffled answer translated to.

“Well I don’t wanna kiss your morning breath, so get up,” Cas retorted, and stole one of Dean’s socks before walking into the bathroom.

“Hey give that back,” Dean complained, rolling onto his side and glaring at Cas. “Now one of my feet is cold.

“Come and get it then,” Cas answered cooly, as he put the toothpaste on his toothbrush, the sock stuffed in his pants pocket.

With a massive groan, Dean rolled off the bed and slouched over into the bathroom.

“You’re a dick,” he mumbled, kissing Cas a little messily, and slipping his hand in Cas’s pocket for the sock.

“And you’re an asshole,” Cas laughed, taking a step back. “Maybe that’s why we work so well together.”

Dean let out a full bodied laugh at that one, then sat on the floor to fix his sock, still laughing, Cas joined in, having to take a break from brushing his teeth so that there wouldn’t be a mess to deal with later.

Soon enough the managed to finish brushing their teeth, and climbed into their new bed, cuddling up next to each other and falling asleep.

 

It was three am and Dean had no idea why he was awake. Maybe it was the sounds of the new house that he wasn’t used to, maybe it was Cas’s knee pressing on his bladder making him need to use the bathroom, maybe it was just everything on his mind. Probably all three, really. But either way, he had to get up. So Dean shifted out of Cas’s grip and got out of bed, watching Cas fall into the warm spot he had left behind with a mutter of something Dean couldn’t quite make out.

He padded softly to the bathroom, hoping that the flush of the toilet wouldn’t be too loud. It appeared Cas was still asleep when Dean came out, though, and he looked so peaceful, Dean just leaned on the wall of their room, watching him for a moment. It was about that time of night where the world barely seems real, there were no sounds from anywhere, and the starlight coming in the window was almost all he could see. There were cloud over the moon and no streetlights near their bedroom window.

Not really sure why, Dean turned and crept out of the room, walking as quietly as he could through the house. He came to stand in the kitchen, and leaned against the dishwasher. He thought it had hit him the day before, when he and Cas had been standing in the entryway, but a whole new wave washed over him right then, and he breathed rather heavily, almost falling over.

It was right then that he heard soft footsteps, and a bleary eyed Cas came in to join him.

“Everything alright, Dean?” Cas asked sleepily, looking at him from across the room, taking in Dean’s shocked expression and seeming to wake up more.

“Holy shit, Cas,” Dean breathed.

“Dean?” Cas came closer, “what’s wrong, Dean?”

Dean laughed breathily, “nothing at all.”

“Then what-” Cas started to stay, but stopped when Dean stepped forward to hug him tightly, a surprised breath puffing out of him. He wasn’t sure what was going on yet, but he quickly brought his arms up to hug Dean back.

“I’m so glad we’re here,” Cas whispered, his words tickling Dean’s neck.

“Me too.”

Dean began to rock them back and forth again like he had done when they first made this plan. He began to sing softly, Cas could hear the words of an old familiar song, could feel them vibrating in Dean’s chest where it was pressed against his.

_Some day, when I'm awfully low_   
_When the world is cold_   
_I will feel a glow just thinking of you_   
_And the way you look tonight_

Cas began humming along, and Dean’s voice rose a little, so that they could hear it better.

 _Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm_  
 _And your cheeks so soft_  
 _There is nothing for me but to love you_  
 _And the way you look tonight_  
  
_With each word your tenderness grows_  
 _Tearin' my fear apart_  
 _And that laugh... wrinkles your nose_  
 _Touches my foolish heart_

Cas shifted his arms, grasping Dean’s hand from behind him and holding it, and bringing his other hand up to rest on Dean’s shoulder.

_Lovely ... Never, never change_   
_Keep that breathless charm_   
_Won't you please arrange it? 'Cause I love you_   
_Just the way you look tonight_

They were dancing then, very slowly and sleepily, heads on each other’s shoulders, holding each other up and swaying to the music they could hear in their minds.

 _And that laugh that wrinkles your nose_  
_It touches my foolish heart_  
  
_Lovely ... Don't you ever change_  
 _Keep that breathless charm_  
 _Won't you please arrange it? 'Cause I love you_  
 _a-just the way you look tonight_

Dean’s voice was low in the little kitchen, warm on Cas’s neck, the soft vibrations of his rough voice pleasant in their chests, and Cas’s humming joining it beautifully.

_Mm, Mm, Mm, Mm,  
Just the way you look tonight_

The slowly came to a stop as they came to the end of the song and their voices died out, leaving the dark and the silence to surround them once more. They weren’t sure how long they stood there, but after a while, they pulled each other back to bed and fell asleep again in a tangle of arms, bodies pressed close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I went through several feels-attacks writing this chapter and I really like it I hope you guys do too <3


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